Turning Point

So it’s been 2 weeks since my last post after posting weekly for a while. Yea I’ve been busy but this blog post is sort of a turning point. Once I post this, there is no turning back. I was all set to write this post last Friday or Saturday and was already organizing it in my head. Then Nick came to visit on Saturday night and we spent the day at my Aunt’s house on Sunday so there was no writing to be done. Then on early Monday morning I get a call at around 5 in the morning from my granny’s house. All day on Sunday I was talking to Claire about my Granny’s health since she was sick and wasn’t looking to good. All I kept thinking was that she wouldn’t be able to travel the following week and I would have to wait until Christmas to see her. As it turns out things went downhill pretty fast and she died early Monday morning. Writing it down means that it’s real, which is why this post is monumental. Admitting out loud took me a couple days and I kept telling myself this was just a huge Halloween prank just to get me to come home for my birthday. For the first couple nights I would lie to myself over and over again saying that she was fine and my family is playing a prank on me. Then once I stopped believing that I would go through everything I could possibly remember about her. That helped me sleep a couple nights but I still wasn’t sleeping an entire night. I really don’t know how I would have done if Nick wasn’t here for those couple days. I kind of felt obligated not to simply curl up in a ball all day with him here. 

So that was basically my week. I still had to do a midterm that Wednesday which could have gone so much better if I had time to finish studying but with everything going on I couldn’t focus on anything. The first day I was actually able to focus on anything for more that 5 minutes was on Friday during class which felt really good. It’s still not at 100% but its better than when I sat in class on Thursday and stared at the bored not understanding anything. My professors have been kind of sympathetic about it but its grad school. I can’t really expect them to let me hand in stuff late or to do midterms separately cause then it gives them more work so I didn’t ask. 

It’s Monday and I just left a midterm which also could have gone better if I had finished studying but we’ll see how that turns out. I have a project due in 2 weeks but I’m going back home this Friday so I’m missing out on group-meeting time. So I have to start that early and do as much as I can while I’m here. Oh and tomorrow is my birthday. My 3rd annual 21st birthday ( I think I have that right, I’m turning 23). I don’t even feel like celebrating anything. Granny used to call everyone in the family for their birthday and this would be the first year I won’t be getting a phone call at the crack of dawn telling me happy birthday. As much as I used to complain that those phone calls woke me up, they made the whole day better. 

Anyways, I have a heck of a long to-do list to get through this week with laundry, packing and picking up documents to carry home. Oh and projects to do. Great. This just shows that even though my world may have stopped for a couple days, life around me is still going on and I still have to keep up. People are only going to be sympathetic and empathetic to a certain extent so I can’t take it for granted. 

I actually forgot everything I’ve done for the past 2 weeks. There was a Walking Dead sort of exhibit in Time Square that I got caught up in. 

And that’s about it. Time to get these things checked off my to-do list.

KThnxBai 🙂

Carla